What Happened On The Way To Happiness?

Have you ever witnessed a couple’s marriage vows, then later learned that they are divorcing? They seemed so happy and loving on their wedding day as they pledged their love "until death do us part." Don’t you wonder what happened to end the journey they began with such hope for happiness?

I suppose no couple begins marriage intending to bring unhappiness to themselves. So, why is it that about half of all couples will find themselves so unhappy that they cannot bear to continue? What is it about the reality of marriage that differs so from their expectations?

Perhaps one answer lies in unrealistic expectations, due in part to our culture’s romanticized view of love and marriage. Many couples begin marriage with several erroneous assumptions, such as,

1. Love is a feeling. It usually includes rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, inability to focus on anything except the beloved, wanting to be together constantly, etc. As long as the feeling is there, you’re in love. When the feeling stops, you are no longer in love, and it’s time to look for someone new.
2. There is only one "right" person for you to marry. Of course, if you marry the one you think is Mr. or Ms. Right, you may later meet the REAL Mr. or Ms. Right. Not your fault if you had not yet met the real one when you married!
3. There is no need to prepare for marriage. You will know instinctively how to be a husband/wife and lover. If you have to work at it, it’s not love.
4. You will not have any problems because you are so much in love. When the problems come, they are a sure sign that you have fallen out of love, or that this marriage was never meant to be.
5. Your family of origin won’t have much effect on your marriage. You will not be like your parents.
6. Sexual feelings will always be as intense as they are now. When sexual desire or frequency decreases, love is on the way out the door.
7. Living together or having a sexual relationship before marriage allows you to "preview" your marriage. So, you will have already ironed out your problems before marrying.
8. Divorce isn’t all that bad. If this marriage doesn’t work out for some reason, you can always try again, with no lasting effects.

Believing any of them will almost surely cause problems in your marriage.