A significant "trust balance" must accrue before a relationship will progress past the superficial and into the intimacy necessary to achieve a vibrant marriage. Yet, trust can only develop when we are willing to make ourselves vulnerable.

Each time we act responsibly in handling the trust that we have been given, a "trust deposit" is earned. We are penalized by a "trust withdrawal" whenever we violate a trust. In every relationship there are both trust deposits and trust withdrawals. In healthy relationships there are more deposits than withdrawals, resulting in an ever increasing "trust balance."

Sometimes there is a breach of trust so serious (such as infidelity) that it results in an immediate "overdrawing" of the trust account. But, more often, an overdrawn account is the result of numerous small withdrawals. However it happens, an overdrawn trust account is an emergency situation requiring corrective action if the relationship is to survive and prosper.

What if you have overdrawn your Trust Account with your mate?

If you have wounded your mate, and overdrawn your trust account, turn from the actions that caused it. Pray with your mate, asking in their presence for God to forgive you. Then, ask your mate to forgive you. Make every effort to act in ways that will result in additions to your account. But, don’t expect the account balance to grow rapidly. Trust is built slowly, even though it can be destroyed in an instant. Often, one who has wronged his mate expects them to "forgive and forget" as soon as they have asked for forgiveness. But, even when forgiveness has occurred, the memory of the event lingers, resulting in a self-defensive posture that only time and faithfulness will melt away.

If your mate has wounded you and their trust account with you is overdrawn, what is your responsibility? Only if you are willing to forgive and grant a "trust loan," can the healing process begin. Jesus reminds us that we should forgive "seventy times seven" or, in other words, an unlimited number of times. But, does that mean that we must continue to grant trust to our mate, even when they repeatedly violate it? In other words, does true forgiveness require the granting of trust?

Scripture speaks of "fruit that demonstrates repentance." Sometimes, a person’s continuing sinful actions indicate a lack of true repentance, which must be dealt with appropriately. Yet, often our willingness to forgive and make ourselves vulnerable by granting a measure of trust that is not earned and not deserved, results in a grateful response from our mate - and the beginning of healing.

After all, isn’t that what God did for us?