A major difference between vibrant marriages and those that end in divorce is the way the couples handle disagreements and hurts. In healthy marriages, disagreements and emotional wounds are dealt with as they occur - but not always instantly. Here are some tips for resolving disputes and healing the emotional wounds that often occur as a result.

• If emotions and tempers are running hot, agree to postpone discussion until a specific later time, after you’ve had a chance to cool off.
• To balance the power, and affirm the value of each other’s views, reach for your "Talking Stick." This can be any object that can be comfortably held in one hand. The idea is that the one holding the stick is allowed to speak uninterrupted for as long as they like. When they are finished, the stick is passed to the other person, who first repeats what was said in his/her own words. When it is agreed that what was said is correctly understood (not necessarily agreed with) , the second person has the same privilege to speak uninterrupted for as long as desired.

• Clarify what the conflict is really about. Often there are underlying issues quite different from the obvious one. Search for unhealed hurts and unmet needs. When anger is peeled back, hurt is almost always underneath.
• Stick to the issue at hand. Don’t dredge up past hurts or problems- real or perceived.

• Hold hands and look each other in the eyes. Make tender physical contact.

• Avoid sarcasm.