Opportunity & Inclination: Recipe For An Affair

wpe1.jpg (8321 bytes)

Opportunity & Inclination: Recipe For An Affair

"I thank God that opportunity and inclination never coincided." With those words a friend explained his marital faithfulness. He went on. "There have been opportunities. And, there have been times when I might have strayed, if there had been a willing partner at hand. Thankfully, when opportunities arose I was strong enough to resist, and when I was weak there was no opportunity."

A Case Study

Several minutes passed and Regina’s* tears still flowed in torrents. She had just recounted the discovery of her husband Ron’s affair with a co-worker. Mascara streaking down her cheeks, she finally looked at Ron and spoke the question I knew was coming. "Why, Ron? WHY?" Ron averted his eyes, and said nothing for a long time. Finally, he began the recitation of a story I had heard too often, but which pained me nonetheless.

It had begun innocently enough, he recalled. Just a little flirting. A look. She had complimented his work; said he was the most talented architect in the firm. He liked the way she made him feel. Soon they were sharing confidences over lunch. The talk had turned to the frustrations of their marriages, and before long they were discussing intimate details of their sex lives.

The night before it happened the first time, Ron and Regina had fought. As usual, it was over sex. Ron left for work that morning feeling frustrated and angry. Regina had cried, lamenting that she no longer felt the passion that once characterized their marriage. The stage was set for Ron’s adultery.

Let’s rewind this story to see what Ron and Regina might have done differently to prevent Ron’s affair.

A Series of Choices

As Ron admitted, he knew that his co-worker was "coming on" to him. Yet, he chose not to run from it.

Both Ron and Regina knew that their marriage was deteriorating, but chose to do nothing about it.

Regina knew that she was not meeting Ron’s sexual needs, but chose not to deal with the underlying causes.

Affair Prevention Principles

To prevent affairs, opportunity and inclination must both be controlled.

When opportunity arises, we must run, as Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife attempted to seduce him. (Genesis 39:6b-12)

We must avoid feeding the inclination by harboring adulterous thoughts and fantasies.

Sex is a gift from God, and is what differentiates marriage from all other relationships.

God made the sexual urge strong. So, the apostle Paul warned that couples are not to deny each other sexually, except for a short time in order to pray, because the temptation could prove too great. (1 Corinthians 7:1-6)

Intimacy is three dimensional, with emotional, physical and spiritual components. When any one is deficient the other two will likely suffer. (See the Marriage Homework article, "3 Dimensional Intimacy.")

God made men and women sexual equals, each with the same capacity to enjoy the sexual relationship, but with different perspectives: Most women need emotional intimacy to enjoy physical intimacy; most men need physical intimacy to feel emotional intimacy. Many marriages founder because partners stubbornly insist on having their needs met first.

Differences in sexual desire are present in most marriages. The frequency of sexual activity should be determined by what is needed to protect both the husband and the wife from sexual temptations. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

Remember that God always provides "a way of escape" from every temptation. (1 Corinthians 10:13) We choose whether to avail ourselves of the escape route.

Don’t ignore warning signs that your marriage is in jeopardy. Ask for help before the crisis.

Pray that God will keep opportunity and inclination from coinciding.

*names and details were changed to protect confidentiality.

Paul White

Paul White - (325) 677-5446 email: paul@pwhitemail.com

Email for a version formatted in Microsoft Word, suitable for reproduction.

A Microsoft Word file viewer/printer is available free at http://officeupdate.microsoft.com/downloadDetails/wdvw9716.htm

Back to Marriage Homework

This information is provided as a free service to brides planning their weddings and local vendors. No endorsement or guarantee of the performance, quality or fitness of any vendor or product is made or implied by White's Photography.

Copyright © 1997 White's Photography Last modified: May 17, 2007

Copyright © 1997 White's Photography
Last modified: May 17, 2007