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Preparing Your Child For Marriage

There are still diapers to change and bottles to fix. Meals to prepare. Teething, sibling rivalry, learning to ride a bicycle. So many parenting tasks lie ahead. Your child’s marriage isn’t even on the radar screen, yet. But, it should be!

More than anyone else, you will influence the success of your child’s marriage. Day by day you are teaching your child lessons about marriage – some intentionally, others unconsciously. By observing his parents, your child is silently learning what it means to be a husband or wife, father or mother.

However, there are also intentional things you can do to help assure a successful marriage for your child. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Constantly grow in your own marriage. There is no better teaching about marriage than growing up with parents who have a great marriage.
  2. Pray for the future mates of your children. Let them hear you do so. This will reinforce the importance of careful mate selection and God’s role in it.
  3. Begin early to establish a relationship where your child feels comfortable talking about anything with you. Adult hang-ups about some subjects can unconsciously tell a child that some questions and subjects are off-limits. If you want your child to get his information about dating, sex, drugs, etc. from you, bring them up yourself as a signal that these are appropriate topics.
  4. In the early elementary years, before interest in the opposite sex develops, begin to prepare them for dating and marriage by talking about your expectations. Comment on good and bad examples as they are observed in those around you. "She’s only 13. That’s much too young to date." "Wearing such skimpy clothes sends the wrong message to boys." "I’m surprised her parents allow her to go to movies like that; they show and teach things that God doesn’t like." "They haven’t known each other very long-marrying now makes it less likely their marriage will last a lifetime like God expects."
  5. Before puberty, explain the changes that will soon occur in their bodies, and how God is preparing them for a sexual relationship with their future mate. Then, in early adolescence talk candidly about their awakening sexual feelings. Explain that sex is a gift from God, but meant only for marriage.
  6. Delay the age when dating is allowed to begin. There is a direct correlation between when dating begins and the age of marriage and/or first sexual experience. The earlier they begin dating, the earlier they’ll want to marry – and the more intense the pressure for premarital sex. Allow dating at 12 or 13 and you’ll likely be an in-law or grandparent when they are 17 or 18!
  7. Gradually allow dating freedom according to demonstrated maturity and ability to handle challenges. Begin with group dates to supervised activities, then gradually permit solo dates to public places before finally allowing unsupervised dating. Set firm, early curfews. Insist on getting to know potential dates beforehand.
  8. Talk with your child about their dating experiences. Ask questions. Help them process newly awakened feelings and temptations.
  9. Make Christian books and articles on dating and marriage easily available.

Paul White

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Last modified: May 17, 2007