When we first notice them, the couple is kissing passionately, obviously very much in love. Embarrassed to witness such a private moment, we want to avert our eyes, but feel drawn to the magic of love.

Then, the director shouts, "CUT!" It was only make-believe. They were actor and actress pretending to be in love, but in "real life" married to other people.

Later, this same couple peers from our television, smiling and saying, "Yes, it’s true, we are divorcing our spouses and marrying each other. We are so much in love!" Two more Hollywood marriages bite the dust. We aren’t shocked, or even surprised.

The Hollywood couple illustrates a basic truth about us all: when we act as if something is true, we begin to believe it is true. Soon, we don’t have to pretend anymore. The actors kissed passionately and pretended to be madly in love with each other. Gradually, the line between pretense and reality blurred. They had convinced themselves that they really were in love.

How can we use this to improve our marriages? For many of the couples I counsel, marriage has become routine, predictable, dull. The "magic" has gone out of the relationship. Often they say, "We’re not even sure we love each other anymore." So, I give them this marriage homework: Twice a day, hold each other close and kiss passionately for 10 seconds. If you don’t feel like it, pretend, like an actor or actress. This is to be enjoyed solely for the experience itself, not as a prelude to further intimacy. More often than not, in a week or so they report that they are actually enjoying the homework. One even said they were doing "extra credit."

To be sure, this simple exercise won’t cure every marriage problem. Yet, most couples see a significant improvement in attitude and communication. And many report falling in love all over again.